The start of the Winter season is an exciting time of year, especially in New York City. With all of the special events, lights, and attractions, this holiday season has something novel to offer at every turn!

Consequently, though, the season can be overstimulating and overwhelming, especially for neurodivergent kids and adults. The break in routine, the crowds, and the sensory overload of lights and sounds can easily become a recipe for unnecessary stress.

At NeuroMotif, our wish is for everyone to be able to enjoy the time for family connection and celebration! With a few tips we’ve learned from our community and clients, we hope to offer tools and tips to help anyone make the most out of this time.

#1 – Keep everyone in the know

We know that many of our neurodivergent – especially autistic – friends and clients benefit from a sense of control over their schedule and routine. A lot of schedule changes happen during the holiday season, and breaks from routine in school and at home to try to fit in all of the special activities and events.

Visual schedules are great, and taking a minute or two at regular intervals to prepare your child for the upcoming day or week can be a gamechanger. Whether your child communicates through speech, AAC, or something even more subtle, just letting them know what to expect can make a world of difference.

#2 – Shield the senses

As a neurodivergent adult, I don’t go anywhere without a pair of earplugs and my sunglasses! At first I was nervous about the looks I might get wearing sunglasses inside or at night (to read on the crowded subway or look at the bright light displays) but guess what? Nobody minded, and I stayed regulated.

These earplugs are a staple in my sensory kit, and I take them everywhere.

Fidgets are also a huge part of helping your child or yourself stay regulated in crowds or stressful commutes or gatherings. Jewelry fidgets or quiet fidgets make wonderful discreet options.

Have items or activities ready that help with regulation. I bring a book everywhere, since stealing away to read for a minute helps me come back to myself. Some kids find drawing to be calming, and others benefit from music. If I’m at a party, I tend to feel uncomfortable until I find a structured activity to engage in, so I like to bring along a simple card game – I can engage socially with other partygoers in a way that feels natural to me!

Dedicated playlists for regulation or emotional processing are great to have on hand to help yourself or your child find focus and grounding. Check out our example of a regulation playlist here!

#3 – Rehearse Your Scripts

Lots of misunderstandings and meltdowns come from the stress and pressure of holiday-specific conversations that can take neurodivergent people by surprise. Many neurodivergent people communicate through “scripts” or “gestalts” and find it helpful to practice things they might need to say in advance.

We got the idea from Robin Roscigno PhD, noted Autism advocate from Auteach, to prepare scripts for situations like declining an invitation to a holiday party, or what to say when you receive a gift you don’t like. (Would have been so helpful to me as a kid!)

A lot of small talk happens around the holidays, and preparing and practicing a few things to say can help neurodivergent kids (and adults!) feel a lot more comfortable when anticipating special events or gatherings. I also like to prepare questions to ask my conversation partners – I always feel more comfortable in social situations when I can figure out how to get the other person talking!

#4 – Advocate!

The truth is, no matter how much we prepare, neurodivergent people are just going to need breaks and extra support during this hectic season. Luckily, we live in a changing world where more and more people are learning to understand and accept neurodivergent needs. As you practice your scripts, either for yourself or with your child, make sure to include things like “I need a break,” “I’m overstimulated right now,” or “I need some help.”

If your child uses an AAC device, make sure they have easy access to these phrases! Give grace to yourself and your child. If we allow ourselves and our children space and decompression time when needed, we’ll be able to participate more meaningfully in the holiday fun.

Do you have other suggestions or tips? Leave a comment to share it with our community. Little by little, we can make the world a friendlier and more supportive place for people with all different types of needs.

Interested in learning more about using music for regulating, scripting, and self-advocating? We offer individualized music therapy for all ages, and tailor treatment plans to support specific and unique needs. We have immediate availability and starter package discounts – connect with us to get more information!

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As music therapists and music instructors for kids of all ages and abilities, we get to see first hand the effect music has on kids’ attention, coping skills, and regulation. At NeuroMotif, we feel there’s no reason to keep any of it a secret! We want parents to have the same tools we have so you can see the benefits transfer outside of the therapy room, and for the progress to continue.

We know not every parent or family member feels comfortable facilitating with music – that’s why we’re also here, of course! But there are a few simple, everyday things you can do at home with your child to deepen their focus, connection, and potential.

Here are 5 musical things to try with your kids at home.

1. Sing Through Transitions

Transitioning between activities, places, and scheduled events is difficult – especially for neurodivergent kids, but they aren’t necessarily a piece of cake for any kid. With more limited language and control than adults, kids can sometimes feel confused or unprepared during the strange segments of time between activities or events. It can be hard to put away toys to come to dinner or start homework. These are all transitions, and different kids benefit from different levels of support to get through them.

We often take for granted how helpful it is for kids to know what to expect, but they like to know the plan as much as adults do! Timers, countdowns, and verbal reminders can help, but sometimes the actual act of getting your body to make the transition is difficult in itself. This is where transition songs come in!

Quick little songs or chants give structure to the twilight-zone feeling of transitions. They can help make instructions or steps very clear, and it brings fun and engagement to the transition.

Think of the transitions that seem most difficult for your child, and see if you know a song that can be applied! Some kids have a hard time getting in or out of the carseat, cleaning up toys to join a meal, or turning off the TV to take a bath. You can make up your own short melody or rhyme, or you can change the lyrics to a familiar song to fit your situation. Want ideas? Check out our social media for originals and our playlist of favorites– we’re always adding new ones!

2. Musical Instructions

This is the simplest and easiest to implement. Music is engaging and much easier to process than speech, especially for busy, developing brains of little ones. If you find your child is not comprehending directions, or they seem to be ignoring you, it could just be that their brains are not processing the information. Try singing your instructions, or just using an exaggerated sing-songy voice! You may be surprised at the difference.

Remember, especially if you’re giving instructions to a neurodivergent kid, try to be very clear, specific, and literal. “Quiet hands” is a lot harder to interpret than “hands to yourself.” Also, we find positive directions (“let’s be gentle!) are a lot easier to follow, and provide more information, than negative ones (“don’t be rough!”).

3. Use Background Music

4. Encourage Emotional Processing

When you think about all the music out there made for kids, you can probably think of at least a few songs that list and describe different emotions. This is because feelings can be so abstract, but our little ones experience big ones all the time! That means it’s important for kids to “practice” emotions, aka act them out and talk about them. Music brings structure and fun to these important conversations. You can check out our social media for some examples of emotion songs, or listen to some of our favorite emotion songs by other music therapists and songwriters.

Of course, you need different tools when an emotional meltdown or shutdown is already happening! When your child’s brain is dysregulated, the part that can take in and process new information will not be able to function at its normal capacity. Practice regulation songs in order to prepare for these situations. Then, when a meltdown actually happens, you can sing the song to your child, encourage them to breathe, and maybe even sing along a bit. The breathing will help your child get their nervous system back to a place where they can reason with you, tell you what’s wrong, or make a plan to get through the difficult situation.

5. Musical Routines

We talked about transitions at the beginning of this post, and we know getting in and out of bed are some of the most involved and most difficult transitions! Morning and night routines are complicated and have many steps. Although they may come naturally to adults, kids still need a lot of support remembering, internalizing, and motivating themselves to get through the routines.

Songs that list your child’s entire morning or nighttime routine can be very helpful if you’re working on getting them to a point where they can complete it independently. This can be a great memory and motivation tool for school-age kids. If making up your own song seems intimidating, change the lyrics to a simple and familiar song! Involve your child, too – have them choose a song they would like to use, and work on changing the lyrics together. You’ll be surprised how creative you can really be when you work together!

For younger kids, quick and simple songs for each step may be more helpful. A song about brushing your teeth may help the process be more silly and fun, and will likely also help you and your child feel more close and bonded. When your kid sees you having fun supporting their hygiene, health, and routine, they will see that you are a team!

Want even more ideas?

These are just a few things you can do at home with music, and we’ve barely scratched the surface. Music can support so many different situations for families, and that goes for kids of all ages, regardless of neurotype or ability.

Keep us in the loop – let us know where you would like support at home, and we will put our heads together to share our musical ideas. You can send us a message with your questions and suggestions here!

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